Of all the months of the year, December might just be the very pinnacle of political correctness. We wish a generic ‘Happy Holidays’ to friends and strangers alike, we bake without peanuts or gluten for our allergy-prone loved ones, we toast without tipple with our teetotaling relatives, our holiday meals feature vegetarian and vegan options. We can sum up the month in two words: be have.
We are on our best behavior. And well we should be, there are many important religious, pagan, and secular holidays in December. The following holiday list represents just the frosting on the tip of the iceberg:
Dec 10 – Human Rights Day
Dec 12 – Fiesta of Our Lady of Guadalupe
Dec 16 – Hanukkah begins
Dec 17 – Saturnalia
Dec 23 – Festivus
Dec 24 – Yule
Dec 25 – Christmas
Dec 26 – Kwanzaa
Dec 28 – Guru Govind Singh Jayanti
Given such a list – and this is just a partial one – we run the risk of offending anyone and possibly every one. With this kind of risk in mind, we thought we’d just go ahead and walk that fine line with as many holiday jokes as we could muster.
– It was Hanukkah and the tiny village outside Budapest in Hungary was frightened that they may not have any latkes because they had run out of flour.
Rudi, the Rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem. He said, ‘Don’t worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour, and the latkes will be just as delicious.’
Sarah looks to her husband and says, ‘Samuel, you think it’ll work?’
‘Of course,’ Samuel replies, ‘Everybody knows Rudolph the Rabbi knows grain, dear.’ (http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/saints/hanukkah_jokes.htm)
– What did the big candle say to the little candle?
I’m going out tonight!
– Just saw a Pagan worshiping the Winter Solstice. He was dressed in a stag’s skull and animal skins. I thought “Deer God…” (http://www.sickipedia.org/other/random)
– Once a person was drowning in sea. He immediately started praying to Lord Ganesha. Lord Ganesha immediately appeared, looked at him, and then started dancing. The person was confused and angry – “Lord, I am drowning and you are dancing” Lord Ganesh says – “Son, at my immersion, you also danced like this”. (http://www.speakingtree.in/spiritual-forums/god-and-i/one-of-the-oldest-ganesh-chaturthi-jokesenjoy)
– Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered.
– Why should you never invite a team of footballers for Christmas?
Because they are always dribbling.
– What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve.
– What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
– Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
– Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
– My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one. As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, “What’s the matter? You didn’t, like the other one?” (http://www.festivefever.com/hanukkah/jokes.htm)
Wishing you good cheer and the very best for 2015! Happy Holidays!